The Anchor

i find myself walking around lately
equal parts pain and bliss
my physical form continues to deteriorate
it seems like this now current state of pain
has somehow always been there
i have a hard time remembering what it was like
getting through the day without it
this body has become so heavy, so weighed down

it’s a blessing in disguise

this deadweight is an anchor to a world
that i will soon leave behind
the earth can keep my body
my spirit is already leaving
free from the tethers of the mass it leaves below

bliss is feeling pain and not being owned by it
bliss is having the clarity to know that everything “man-made” is trivial
(and that applies to your social, econmic and authoritarian structures)
bliss, true bliss is no longer caring about anything

it all goes straight through me now

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One Second of Eternity

There is no relief tonight,
just minutes chasing hours,
and hours chasing minutes,
Stuck in a loop
Stuck in a space that I’ve spent too much time in.
Can there be any oxygen left in this box?
Am I even breathing anymore?
Am I breathing any less?
I need to break myself out of this
I can’t keep up with the flood
crashing down on me like a tsunami
filling me up with this fucking grey sludge
There has to be a crack in this wall somewhere
Just point me in the direction
I don’t care if I have to kick
or scratch at it for the rest of my life
just give me something to focus on
just give me something to focus on
just give me something to focus on
just give me something to focus on
just give me something to focus on
just give me something to focus on
just give me something to focus on
just give me something

More Than Not

 

There is a lot of noise in my head tonight.
I suppose it started with a trickle when I woke up this morning afternoon.
Some days are just like that, you know?

You wake up and life tastes a certain way
before you even comprehend how you feel.
The trickle slowly turned into a stream,
the stream slowly turned into a torrent
and now everything is drowning.

I don’t know when it started,
it’s always been there.
I’ve been told not to focus on time,
but focus on the moment
seize it, live it, and all that jazz.

I can’t.  I never really could.
All I’ve ever seen is time, decay and death.

Everything around me is dying.
Some things slowly, some things quickly.
Me myself, I am dying.
Some days it scares the hell out of me
I am so in tune to time and death that I feel like..

We are moving really fast,
towards our inevitable end.
I cling to my thoughts,
I try really hard to get a grip on the “moment”
but moments pass way faster than we could ever dream of catching.

And so they keep flying by
another and another and another moment passes.
Sure you can steal some memories along the way,
but you can never truly ever embrace time,
or life for that matter…

And even still, I take it all for granted
It’s our nature.
We all do it, and we all keep doing it until it’s too late.

Til the moment is truly gone.

And you feel the floor give out from under you
And you hate yourself for not being more appreciative
If only I had one more day,
just give me 10 minutes,
5 minutes to say everything I needed to say
one last time.

I made people cry today. It wasn’t my intention,
but I spoke my mind and I spoke my black little heart
and people forget sometimes who I am.

what I am right now is sorry,
and I can say it to everyone
but certain facts remain what they are
and no amount of apologies is going to change that.

My path began and will end the same.
If I could just find a way to silence the death.

I’m sorry.

 

 

 

 

A hippie and a witch walk into a bar…

Mind is overloaded
Heart beats
Breath staggers
forming some sort of twisted funeral dirge.
It certainly seems that all signs point this way and not that.

It’s better this way
I’m better when I’m not trusted to feed the needy.
My menu consists of 2 options for you:
1. Retreat
2. Starve

I was never a good cook
in fact I was never good at anything

except

u
n
r
a
v
e
  l
l
 i
n
g

Every eye that locks me
Every voice in my ear
Every hand that touches me
pulling at my thread.