i must confess
i don’t care who or what you worship
i don’t care who is, or who isn’t president
i don’t care if you’re conservative or liberal
i don’t care about “my” country or “your” country
i don’t care about equal rights or unequal rights
i don’t care about race
i don’t care about taxes
i don’t care about promotions or demotions
i don’t care about my issues or your issues
i don’t care about what’s trending on netflix or facebook
i don’t care about your face in your selfies
(if you want my interest, feed the beast and show more tits)
i don’t care what pleases you
i don’t care what offends you
it’s all just clutter to me
pile after pile of bullshit
why should it matter?
i’m so over the pettiness of human existence
just shut the fuck up
I am thoroughly puzzled by your intent
and because I don’t know what it is
I’ve gone and created a phantom
that I allow to haunt
in the spot that you have etched for yourself
within my precarious universe.
I’m begging you, I’m warning you
DO NOT ENTER
There is no more room
I’m telling you to go away
get the fuck away from me
I will not have yet another soul crushed , smashed
within this relentless, sickening twist of gravity
Everything I touch begins to sway, and buckle and corrode
I am poison
No one who has ever gotten close enough to taste it
has come out of it the same after.
And if this is a game to you
you’re only playing with yourself.
“You’re so distant”
I’m sorry it’s not completely intentional,
(but it is a little)
“You hate me”
No, I definitely don’t,
I’m 36 years old now
I was in kindergarten when it dawned on me that we die
and that when we die our bodies don’t magically vanish, like Yoda.
No, we rot. I have my own theories about what happens when we die,
but this entry isn’t about that.
I’m having a hard time focusing here.
If I can’t keep you, I don’t want you.
Not because I DON’T want you,
it’s because I can’t have you.
Until I can physically – actually freeze time
and stop this world from spinning
stop the clock from ticking
stop our bodies from the slow decomposition that is aging..
I’ll never have you.
Time, love, life is much like trying to hold water in the palm of your hand.
You feel it in the *moment* that it’s passing through your fingers
no matter how you try to squeeze them to savour it –
it still finds its way past.
You can’t grip it, you can’t really hold it
it all slips away too fast
and you end up empty-handed
it hurts realizing that everything is dying around you
that you are just as much of a ghost as the people you surround yourself with
We all go alone in the end,
So even at 36 years old, I’m still trying to learn how to let go
of things that were never mine in the first place
that no matter how hard or how long I try to cling to them
that they will never ever be mine.
I feel sorry for anyone who has ever tried to have a relationship with me.
I just can’t stop these thoughts and feelings
they never sleep.