More Than Not


There is a lot of noise in my head tonight.
I suppose it started with a trickle when I woke up this morning afternoon.
Some days are just like that, you know?

You wake up and life tastes a certain way
before you even comprehend how you feel.
The trickle slowly turned into a stream,
the stream slowly turned into a torrent
and now everything is drowning.

I don’t know when it started,
it’s always been there.
I’ve been told not to focus on time,
but focus on the moment
seize it, live it, and all that jazz.

I can’t.  I never really could.
All I’ve ever seen is time, decay and death.

Everything around me is dying.
Some things slowly, some things quickly.
Me myself, I am dying.
Some days it scares the hell out of me
I am so in tune to time and death that I feel like..

We are moving really fast,
towards our inevitable end.
I cling to my thoughts,
I try really hard to get a grip on the “moment”
but moments pass way faster than we could ever dream of catching.

And so they keep flying by
another and another and another moment passes.
Sure you can steal some memories along the way,
but you can never truly ever embrace time,
or life for that matter…

And even still, I take it all for granted
It’s our nature.
We all do it, and we all keep doing it until it’s too late.

Til the moment is truly gone.

And you feel the floor give out from under you
And you hate yourself for not being more appreciative
If only I had one more day,
just give me 10 minutes,
5 minutes to say everything I needed to say
one last time.

I made people cry today. It wasn’t my intention,
but I spoke my mind and I spoke my black little heart
and people forget sometimes who I am.

what I am right now is sorry,
and I can say it to everyone
but certain facts remain what they are
and no amount of apologies is going to change that.

My path began and will end the same.
If I could just find a way to silence the death.

I’m sorry.





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